she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
