It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
