how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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