She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
