I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
