I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
