Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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