She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
