did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.