You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!