I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.