chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.