Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....