he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.