i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
