I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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