just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize