You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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