Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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