You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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