She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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