man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
