I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
COCAINE IS GR8
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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