I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
