1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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