The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
