peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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