I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
