He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
