I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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