Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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