Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
