he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize