i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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