I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
