Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
