She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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