You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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