Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao