non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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