Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken