He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.