shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
