Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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