So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
