your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
