Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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