Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
