You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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