I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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