How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
