I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
