is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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