JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
