Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
