it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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