True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
