My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
