Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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