All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
