My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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