Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
