I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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