I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
