some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
