I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
