So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
