i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
