Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
