I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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