I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
