Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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