you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
