If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
