dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
