i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
