be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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