Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
