Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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