I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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