he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
